Yes, Morrissey took home the big prize for his bulbous salutation entering the central zone. (This apparently describes a man having sexual intercourse with a woman. We think.) But let us doff our cap to those other writers who also wrote truly execrable sex scenes. Take the following, from the Book of Numbers by Joshua Cohen. (Please. Take it.)
Her mouth was intensely ovoid, an almond mouth, of citrus crescents. And under that sling, her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in hyssop – Psalms were about to pour out of me.
There are more here. If you can stomach it. (Come on. You know you want it …)
The Daily Beast shares the newest twist on things erotic: Bigfoot sex fiction. To wit:
“From within the tufts of matted hair, the creature released a huge pale cock that defied logic.”