Too much ice in an iced coffee? Illegal monkey selfie? Legal action over a typo? Yup, it’s that time of year again. ILR (U.S. Chamber of Commerce Institute for Legal Reform) has officially released the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2016 and, as expected, these cases don’t disappoint.
The Top Ten Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2016 were chosen from the year’s ten most popular stories featured on FacesOfLawsuitAbuse.org, and then ranked according to a national Google Consumer Survey of 5,000 consumers across America.
A Nigerian man is suing Unilever, maker of Close-Up toothpaste because it has failed to get him women like the ads have promised.
Olatunfe was pushed to take this step when his female boss slapped his face when he tried to kiss her after brushing his teeth with Close-Up toothpaste. “Where is the Close-Up effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure theycould smell my breath. I always brush my teeth with so much Close-up gel to make sure the girls get turned on by my fresh breath as they usually show on TV,” he said.
From the Guardian comes this tale of legal ridiculousness:
A British woman attempted to sue her former lawyers for professional negligence, claiming that, alongside a number of other allegations, they failed to advise that finalising divorce proceedings would inevitably cause her marriage to end.
Yes, she sued her divorce lawyers because her divorce proceedings ended in divorce. Ooookay …
One Richard Katz, a member of a downtown New York healthclub, the Setai Club & Spa Wall Street, is taking a highly principled stand against the horrors of a not-quite-as-good-as-it-once-was free breakfast.
Yes, Katz, a personal injury lawyer (if we were making this up, we’d have chosen a less obvious profession) was miffed about the change in his club’s free breakfast buffet. As he rhapsodized to the New York Post:
“They had a full restaurant menu like you get in a hotel — omelets, pancakes, waffles, yogurts, meats, juice. Whatever you wanted.”
Then the unthinkable happened: The previously huge spread changed to a cold buffet. The club offered to refund the unused portion of his membership fee. Katz turned down this offer and, instead, filed a $730,000 lawsuit against them —striking an important blow for those who must suffer the horrifying indignities of a cold (free) buffet. Kudos Mr. Katz!
In truth, perhaps it is the only pizza-related discrimination case. We are not sure. But we are sure that it is most decidedly the stupidest discrimination case against Domino’s Pizza.
The case: In Venezuela, Domino’s was cited by inspectors for discrimination, because, horror of horrors: “the ‘two for one Tuesdays’ discriminated against persons . . . who would like to eat pizza on the other days of the week.”
And here we thought we got over that sort of horrible discrimination with the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s . . .
And the winner is: Jim Greer, former chairman of the Republican party in Florida!
An audit found that Greer and his buddies spent thousands of Republican Party dollars on things that didn’t seem quite the norm. Things like cigars, lobster, birthday parties (one, a Winnie-the-Pooh-themed-party for his son’s first birthday), family trips to New York and Disney World, tickets to see Journey and invitations for his son’s baptism. Greer was arrested for money laundering. So the Party fired him.
Now here comes the chutzpah part: Greer sued the party for a SEVERANCE PACKAGE! (After all, he was fired.)
Now here comes the next chutzpah part: In court, Greer decided not to testify on his own behalf — because his own testimony could incriminate him. He did want the money, though.
The not-so-stupid judge told him he couldn’t have it both ways. But he told him he could refile his severance package suit in five years.
Food can be dangerous. It can be dangerous (physically and/or emotionally) to the eater. It can be dangerous (financially) to the restaurant serving the food. This is the lesson of the following three incidents.
Dangerous yet Stupid Food-Related Incident #1: Lack of Artichoke Eating Instruction Leads to Stomach/Colon Distress Dr. Miamian Arturo Carvajal had never eaten an artichoke before. So when he ordered the grilled artichoke special at a North Miami beach restaurant, he dug in. He ate ALL of the artichoke — the spiny leaves, the whole shebang. And, not surprisingly, he got pretty intense pain later on in his stomach and wound up in a hospital where he claims they found artichoke leaves stuck in his colon. So naturally his next step was to file a lawsuit against the restaurant. As the lawsuit states:
The server “fail[ed] to explain the proper method of consuming an artichoke”, namely that the “outside portion of the leaf should not be eaten; rather, only the inside portion of the leaf was safely digestible.”
Yes. No one told him how to eat the artichoke. Ergo they are liable. As the lawsuit states, the restaurant had a “duty to train its table servers to explain the proper method of consuming an artichoke.” A spokesman for the chain owning the restaurant summed it up nicely: “What’s next? Are we going to have to post warnings on our menu they shouldn’t eat the bones in our barbeque ribs?”