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We’re always on the look out for new stupidities to put in our books and calendars.  So if you run across a stupid quote, a stupid sign, a stupid product, and/or any other stupid thing, send it to us at

And let us know if you’d like to be credited for your find.

68 thoughts on “Contact Us

  1. Found this in the insert included with die-cast backhoe model made in Japan:

    “Avoid rough handling such as tossing or throwing the product, Especially at someone”

    on a hand written sign at a Dairy Queen drive through in Michigan (Wrong on so many levels…):

    “Warning, Nuts may come in contact with your food”
    If either are printed, I would like to be credited.

    • Eric —

      Thanks — they’re both beautifullly stupid — which, of course, is meant as a compliment! We’ll be sure to let you know if we use either (or both) in an upcoming calendar or book (sadly, it’s going to be a bit of a wait. We’ve already handed in the one for 2012.)

      Thanks again! And definitely let us know if you run across any others.

      Kathy & Ross

  2. “rocket surgeon” is not a stupid misstep. that’s a play on cliches. anyone who says this is obviously doing it purposely as a joke. it should be removed from the list.

    • Hmm… Well, thanks for writing, but we stand by the quote as stupid. In the interview in which Kat said it, it was pretty clear that she made a mistake and mashed up two cliches — not that she was being clever.

      Thanks, though, for your input . . . and sorry we don’t agree!


  3. My co-worker responded when first hearing about the death of Princess Diana that she didn’t know why Pavarotti would want to kill the princess.
    We never let her forget it!

  4. My daughter received a Conair 5 in 1 hair styler (includes various curling irons, a straightener, & a crimper) for Christmas. One of the warnings listed in the Important Safety Instructions of the instruction manual is “never use while sleeping.” How in the heck would anyone use a curling iron while sleeping??

    • A good question — and, frankly, if anyone COULD use a curling iron while sleeping, we’d rather not be around. What a wonderful example of a truly moronic warning label! Thanks for writing!


  5. Unless I am a victim of fraud I received an e-mail from you about 10 days ago with an offer to receive another year of a calendar via e-mail at no cost. Have I been scammed or did I mis-read the messasge?

    Thank You,

    Bill Jenkins

    • Hi Bill —

      The e-mail didn’t come from us — but it could be an announcement from our publisher Workman. They offer calendar buyers an on-line version of another page-a-day calendar for free. There should be details on their website

      Hope this helps!


  6. For today’s stupid entry, “On Defendants, Dumb,” it describes the “defendant” as the person who is suing his company for a job-related injury. Wouldn’t that make him the plaintiff??
    So the dumb person would be ….?

  7. I have 3 that I’ve heard. This first one happened when I was a teen with my brother and friend.

    “A Friend of my brother and me: (looking at the trash can that has been kicked over and trash thrown around by the dog) This looks bad.

    Me: What are we gonna tell dad?

    My brother: (alarm goes off) I don’t know, but there’s a pizza in the oven.”

    This next one happened at work with 2 co-workers of mine, but here is something to know before writing it. I live in Illinois (and work in IL, too) and Indiana is about a 10 minute drive away. With that said, here is this next one.

    “Rich: So for your vacation, are you staying home or going out of state?

    Greg: I live out of state.”

    This last one happened with my dad. He’s a teacher and school was called off one day because of snow. He came to the school later that day to do some work, but ran across another teacher. This is their conversation.

    “Mr. Cahan: I wonder what other schools are closed today?

    My dad: Everyone in the district.”

  8. I was surfing ebay and found this quote:

    “I have a non-smoking dog and cat in my home.”

    So… as opposed to a smoking dog and cat?

    • Ha ha! Sounds like the tobacco companies are targeting pets now as the number of smokers diminishes…
      Thanks — this is a good one!


  9. For whatever reason, once I initiated that Japanese exercise video, it starts playing every time I visit your site. When I try to stop it it just plays on, interfering with other videos and sometimes requiring me to close my browser.

  10. I remember looking through a cook book a few years back and I came across a recipe for chicken and pasta. From what I remember, this is what it pretty much said, and I’m dead serious.

    “4-6 chicken patties, spaghetti, pasta sauce

    Cook chicken patties as instructions say on box. Cook spaghetti and heat pasta sauce. Put together and serve.”

  11. A few days ago, I was looking at a reciept that my mom handed to me so that I could put some minutes on her cell phone. The reciept is from RadioShack, and it has a thing for AT&T’s gophone minutes: “AT&T GOPHONE AIRTIME MEN”. When I saw that I just started laughing my head off, and had to send it to you.

    • Ha! That’s a good one — and a very strange receipt! We’ll definitely let you know if we use it in an upcoming calendar.


  12. Who do you think you are, John Kerry?

    I note with amusement your attribution on April 6th of the quote “I don’t believe in no curses. You make your own destination.” to “Manny Rodriquez”. Unless you are John Kerry (who thought it was Manny Ortiz), you have miss-attributed a quote that belongs to Manny Ramirez. Quite appropriate, however, for this week given what is likely the final episode of “Manny being Manny.”

    • Ha! And sigh. Yeah, we caught that one too late. (Our only excuse? As Yankee fans and Manny being with the Red Sox at the time, perhaps we were trying to block him from our minds?) Ah, well . . . As you pointed out, the timing is indeed ironic, though!


      • Until he literally shoved his way out of Boston, I always liked Manny in a goofy Forrest Gump kind of way, hence my fantasy baseball team has typically been named “Run Manny Run”. I changed it this week to “Runaway Manny Runaway”.

        Love your work and thanks for the laughter you bring to my days.

  13. horrible calendar – everyday is such a disapointment! I did the stupidest thing every by thinking this calendar would be funny! I’m not the only one that thinks so – see comments!

    • Sorry you don’t find the calendar funny! Over the 17 years we’ve been putting it out, we’ve learned all too well that humor is subjective — so there are always a few people for whom it just doesn’t click. (That said, gotta admit, we’re glad that a few hundred thousand keep buying it year after year!)

      Hope you wind up with something that suits your taste better next time . . . !


      P.S. FYI, it’s “every day” (two words) not “everyday.” And, “disappointment,” not “disapointment.”

  14. Maybe you should stay away from baseball!

    Funny quote on June 10th but the player was Jesus Colome and the National’s GM was Jim Bowden. Jim Bouton, a former Yankee, Seattle Pilot and Houston Astros pitcher, is of course most famous for being the author of “Ball Four”. I am not proud that I know this.

    From what I recall, however, the short-lived 1976 sit-com version of “Ball Four” starring Bouton could be the source for some good material.

    • Acck!! I know, I know. We are horribly and terribly ashamed. You caught us being baseball morons TWICE!! This is killing me since I am, in truth, a baseball fan. A Yankees fan, to be more precise, as I have been since the 70s. And I was a fan during their off years too, BTW! (Just had to make that clear!)

      Thanks for pointing our own stupidity (oh, the irony!) out — and, even more, for not rubbing it in! AND . . . love the suggestion of Ball Four. Will def. look into it. (Side note: Jim Bouton used to live in our town when we were kids. This, of course, was before every ballplayer made millions . . . )


  15. RE: June 30th story on Mike Holmgren and 170 victories in 10 years.

    I think the story is included in the calendar because of the repetition of the “team’s all-time leader in coaching victories with 170.” But it could be for another reason: Holmgren coached 170 regular season and playoff games for the Seahawks, winning 90 (86 regular season and 4 playoffs).

    Since the NFL regular season is 16 games and the most playoff games a team can play a maximum of 4 playoff games in a year, the maximum number of games he could have coached for the Seahawks was 200. If he had a career winning percentage of .850 in that role, that would be reason to repeat the line twice, if not have a parade or two!

    • Wow, sorry about the poor proof reading in the first sentence of the last paragraph. Would have been easier to say if the team went to the Super Bowl each of his ten years, the most games he could have coached is 200.

  16. During a time when I was selling household products door-to-door, I called back on a customer who had bought my cleaner/degreaser to ask how she like it. “I don’t like it at all,” she said. “It makes the wash water get too dirty!”

    A relative who had been paying a $2 copay for prescription drugs through an employer sponsored health plan, commented when the price increased – “I don’t see why I should have to pay more, you know they (the employer) were making money at $2.”

  17. From the Towne Courier (Mid-Michigan local paper), August 27, 2011.

    EAST LANSING – City police are seeking a male suspect in connection with an incident of “inappropriate touching” of a female in the downtown area late at night.

  18. This quote attributed to Nixon is actually as follows;
    I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

    Attributed to Robert McCloskey, U.S. State Department spokesman, by Marvin Kalb, CBS reporter, in TV Guide, 31 March 1984, citing an unspecified press briefing during the Vietnam war.

  19. I don’t know if you can use this or not, but here goes.
    I live in Atlanta, Georgia was was talking to a co-worker about my upcoming trip to Ireland. In the middle of this converstaion she looked at me and asked “Are you driving to Ireland?”

  20. Found in a user’s manual for a portable DVD player (translated from Chinese):

    – When the DVD have unusual sound or smell such as splintering or poop, please witch off the power line as soon as possible.

    – Do not open the battery and change the structure.

    • VERY fabulous examples of Chinglish — and thanks!! “sound or smell such as splintering or poop” totally caught me!!

      Too perfectly wonderful! (We’ll def. let you know when we use them in an upcoming cal.)


  21. I’ve got a picture of a stupid product placement but the link to your email doesn’t work. It’s of a bin of DVD’s marked “Halloween” and one of the front ones is ‘My Left Foot’.

  22. Hi – not sure if you know (or care), but the 12/7/2012 page on my Stupidest calendar titled “On History, Serious Problems With” credits Sweeny Murti with saying “Over? It’s not over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” regarding the American League Pennant race.
    This statement was obviously said in jest and is a verbatim quote from the John Belushi’s character in the classic comedy “Animal House”. So although it is a funny line, it’s less of a commentary on Mr. Murti’s historical knowledge and more of a reflection on his movie tastes…

    • Excellent point! And, given that we love Animal House and know the quote all too well (honestly!), we’re stunned that we didn’t put two and two together and realize this was tongue-in-cheek. Damn! We’re hanging our heads in shame… Oh, the horror, the horror.

      But thanks for pointing it out and thanks for not rubbing it in!!


  23. I have a picture of a sign that says, “NO PARKING ON PARKING”. The picture was taken with a film camera and do not have a scanner to send it through this mens to you. If you send me a physical address I will mail it to you so you can share it with the rest of the fans. Awaiting your reply


  24. I just received your 2013 “The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar. Next year you should publish a 372 day calendar. Start the calendar on December 25th. This year I have to wait one full week before I can enjoy my Christmas present.

  25. I have two of them: 1) I have seen these instructions numerous times on medicine bottles. “Take one tablet by mouth once a day”. Without getting vulgar, how else would you take a pill?
    2) When I asked a friend how long it takes him to get from his house to Manhattan, he replied “Only 45 minutes, but its a long 45 minutes.”
    If used, I would like to be credited.

  26. Found this wonderfully convoluted metaphor used by a Yahoo executive trying to convince his employees to use Yahoo Mail rather than Microsoft Outlook:

    “Certainly, we can admire the application for its survival, an anachronism of the now defunct ’90s PC era, a pre-Web program written at a time when NT Server terrorized the data center landscape with the confidence of a T. rex born to yuppie dinosaur parents who fully bought into the illusion of their son’s utter uniqueness because the big-mouthed, tiny-armed monster infant could mimic the gestures of the Itsy-Bitsy Pterodactyl.”

  27. Hello again,
    I have two more for you.
    1) One day my son and I were having a garage sale. A friend of his walks up to the table and asks my son how his trip to London was. My son replied “Great”. His friend then picks up a plate with a picture of the Coliseum on it and asks,” Did you get this in London?
    2) One time my wife asked me to go buy a loaf of Italian bread. On my way out the door she said, “Don’t get that Salmonella kind, I don’t like that”. She meant Semolina.
    If used, I would like to be credited.

  28. I found your website today and mookbarked it . ha ha
    Love it love it !

    I drive 18 wh and can send wacky pics from time to time ;
    if interested , tell me how .

  29. Not much to say, but I was with a programmer (whom I know very well) doing a video that he was going to share with some with some friends. He cut it when he messed up, and (unfortunately while not recording) I starting talking about my grandfather’s farm. He suddenly blurted out:

    “If I were an alpaca, I would totally be the happiest human in the world!”
    -Professional programmer Fletcher



  31. Headline on The Atlanta-Journal Constitution, 1/2/17:

    “Turkey Hunts Killer Behind Club Massacre”

    As a subtitle, you could say:

    Turkey’s Battle Cry: “Remember Thanksgiving”


    And just when they thought they survived another Holiday Season . . .


    Justice will be done – those turkeys are a close-knit bunch!

  32. Loved “You’re Saying it Wrong” but I must take issue with your description of “maudlin” as a noun (p.95); it is most definitely an adjective. The book is great – I’ve ordered copies for several friends.

    • Eeek! Yes, it is most definitely an adjective indeed! Thanks for pointing that out — I don’t know how we let that slip by us, but clearly we screwed up! We’ll let the editor know for the next printing.

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