THINGS STUPID OF A POLITICAL SORT . . .  (from the 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, Unusually Stupid Politicians and Unusually Stupid Americans, by Ross and Kathryn Petras)
Let's look at . . . Political Boldness! reporter: Would you have gone to war against Saddam Hussein if he refused to disarm? Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) then campaigning for the presidency: You bet we might have. I think some of the steps I've taken were slightly bold. – former Sen. John Warner (R-VA), defending his record in the Senate Political Straightshooting! NN White House correspondent Ed Henry: You know, going back to September 2001, the president said, dead or alive, we're going to get him. Still don't have him. I know you are saying there's successes on the war on terror, and there have been. That's a failure. Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism Frances Frago Townsend: Well, I'm not sure -- it's a success that hasn't occurred yet. I don't know that I view that as a failure. Political Truthfulness! The bottom line is there have been a lot of nuts elected to the United States Senate. – Sen. Charles Grassley (R-IA) He's trying to take the decision out of the hands of 12 honest men and give it to 435 Congressmen! – Rep. Charles Vanik (D- OH) The Great Moments In Dealing With Constituents Award goes to . . . the warm and fuzzy pol Congresswoman Jo Ann Emerson, (R-MO) Her wonderful way of showing respect for the voters: Ended letter sent to a constituent with "I think you are an asshole." Emerson personally signed the letter, which was responding to a citizen’s question on testimony by oil executives before the Senate. She even included a handwritten message at the bottom of the letter: "PS — please forgive the delay in responding." (When asked about this, Emerson said, "there is no excuse for this inappropriate letter having been sent and every apology has been made to the individual who received it."   She said she had no idea how the line was added onto an otherwise typical letter.)	The VP and Could’ve Been VP Mini Section On Introductions, A Little Too Enthusiastic A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America! – Vice President Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with President Barack Obama On What Not To Say When Introducing Someone In A Wheelchair Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya! – Vice President Joe Biden to wheelchair-bound Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham On Clear, You Betcha! On Those Easy-To-Follow Answers Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy. Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions. – Alaska governor Sarah Palin when campaigning for vice president On Well, That Clarifies Things CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer: Does that mean you want to come up with a new Sarah Palin initiative that you want to release right now? Alaska governor Sarah Palin: Gah! Nothing specific right now. Sitting here in these chairs that I’m going to be proposing but in working with these governors who again on the front lines are forced to and it’s our privileged obligation to find solutions to the challenges facing our own states every day being held accountable, not being just one of many just casting votes or voting present every once in a while, we don’t get away with that. Three Things to Ponder, From Politicians We are among the world leaders for semi-conductors, but with the power of communism, we will soon be able to be leaders for full conductors. – general secretary of the Czechoslovak communist party Miloš Jakeš It’s very hard to write the future history of America before the current history hasn’t been fully written. – President George W. Bush, on an interview with Fox News President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale. –  Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, testifying before Congress
IMPORTANT GOVERNMENTAL PROCEDURES We’re often not aware of the extremely detailed, multi-leveled work that goes on behind the scenes of our state and federal governments.  Unsung heroes of bureaucracy have spent hours, nay, years developing highly important procedures to cover the many challenges and questions facing society today. Herewith, the answers to three VERY vital questions that you've probably wondered about.  A lot.  And often.  You can now put your mind to rest . . . since the abovementioned unsung heroes of bureaucracy have already come up with the answers for you  (which you, the taxpayer, have paid for.  Isn't that great!). Vital Question Number 1:   How do I destroy my official USDA Forest Service Woodsy Owl costume? According to the USDA, there are certain mandatory steps to take: Destroying Old Woodsy Owl Costumes - Guidelines 1. Incinerate the complete costume with the oversight of an official USDA Forest Service law enforcement officer*. 2. The entire Woodsy Owl costume including each of the separate pieces is to be destroyed beyond recognition. * If you do not have access to an official USDA Forest Service law enforcement representative, arrangements will be made for dealing with your costume by contacting the USDA-FS Washington Office at: Woodsy Owl C/o National Symbols Program P. O. Box 96090 Washington, D. C. 20090-6090 Vital Question Number 2:   What song can I sing to express my joy and love of the Food and Drug Administration? We’d like to suggest the official FDA Centennial Anthem (found on the FDA website). The opening stanza: One century past, a people’s hope fulfilled By an act conceived for safe medicine and food Protecting rights that our founding fathers willed To life and liberty, to happiness pursued. Vital Question Number 3:  Is there an official checklist I can follow when wearing my official Smoky the Bear Costume? Why, yes, there is! 1) The person wearing the costume must exhibit appropriate animation to be effective. Express sincerity and interest in the appearance by moving paws, head, and legs. 2) There shall be at least one uniformed escort to accompany the Bear. The escort shall guide the Bear at the elbow. 3) After donning the costume, the escort shall inspect the suit. Check for the following: Is the drawstring tucked in? Is the zipper out of sight? Are the buttons fastened? Is the belt firmly fastened to the pants? Are the pant cuffs neat? Is the hat crown up? Is the head straight on the shoulders? Is the fur brushed generously? .....The costumed bear should not force itself on anyone.