The Stupidest Things Ever Said Awards for 2011

And the 2011 winners of the Stupidest Things Ever Said Awards are . . .

  • The Stupidest and Extraordinarily Insightful Art Commentary of 2011
    “I liked the statue of David.  He was hot, and his wiener’s out, and he has a nice butt.”
    Jersey Shore star Snooki talking about Michelangelo’s David (video)


  • The Stupidest Headline of 2011, Possibly Inadvertent Sexual Imagery Division
    Girls’ school still offering “something special” — head
    —headline, Gloucestershire Echo


  • The Stupidest National Anthem Rendering of 2011
    “What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming…”
     singer Christina Aguilera at the Super Bowl (the right words were: “O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.”) (video)



  • The Stupidest Example of a Politician Showing off her Historical Knowledge in 2011
    “He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”
    Sarah Palin, on Paul Revere’s midnight ride (video)


  • The Stupidest Anti-Gay Marriage Metaphor of 2011
    “It’s like in golf.  A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”
    businessman Donald Trump explaining why he was against gay marriage


  • The Stupidest Least Literary Line of 2011 (or “Why We Stopped Reading The End of Sparta  Pretty Quickly”)
    “Odd that the Theban knew of Neto and his son’s wife Damo, and of Chion and apparently Sturax and Porpax too, but at least not Gorgos as well.”
     from the novel The End of Sparta, by Victor Davis Hanson



  • The Stupidest Overstretching the Point Moment  in 2011
    “I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet.”
     Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez in a speech for World Water Day (video)



  • The Stupidest Excuse for Having an Extra-Marital Affair of 2011
    “There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate . . .”
    presidential candidate Newt Gingrich explaining how his patriotism led him to have an affair (video)


  • The Stupidest Live On-Air Moment of Rhetorical Brilliance of 2011
    “Tonight is the measure of whether the country begins in the state of Wisconsin a national drive to push back or whether we have more to go to build a movement of resistance.  But resist we much.   We must and we will much . . .”
     MSNBC host Al Sharpton on the Wisconsin recall elections (video)


  • The Stupidest Live Debate Moment of Rhetorical Brilliance of 2011
    “The third agency of government I would do away with – education, uh the, commerce, and let’s see, I can’t. The third one I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”
     presidential candidate Rick Perry (video)


  • The Stupidest Fascinating New Use of a Verb of 2011, Sports Division
    “We don’t dwindle on the past.”
     Cardinals QB John Skelton

 

 

The Stupidest Things Ever Said awards are selected each yearby verbal gaffe experts Ross and Kathryn Petras, the compilers of the best-selling annual Page-A-Day calendar The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said (now in its 18th year with 4.3 million copies sold).

The Stupidest Oceanographic Rumination, Saline Explanation Subsection

Lest you think Snooki is merely an art aficionado, we submit the following evidence that she is also of a scientific bent.  Here she offers her impression of the beach and, with it, a fascinating and, indeed, groundbreaking theory as to the salinity of the sea:

“I don’t really like the beach. I hate sharks, and the water’s all whale sperm. That’s why the ocean’s salty.”

And there you have it.

The Stupidest Insights about Europe, Celebrity-Style

Thinking about traveling to Europe while it’s still summer?  You may want to rethink.  Let us turn to two intrepid travelers to get their fascinating insights:

1)  Lisa Welchel (perhaps best known as Blair on The Facts of Life) tells us her impressions of Paris in a tweet:

“I just spent the day in Paris and I’m not a huge fan.  So far, kinda stinky & dirty.”

2)  Snooki (perhaps best known as Snooki on The Jersey Shore) tells us (via Access Hollywood) her impressions of Italy:

“[The cobblestones] sucked! Like, walking to the club in your heels?!”

The Stupidest Excerpts from Truly Stupendous Literature, Snooki-Style

Brace yourselves.  A Shore Thing, the novel that Snooki “wrote” is coming out tomorrow — and already excerpts of her compelling prose have been released.

(We’re sure you will note the inevitable comparisons with other fine writers like Faulkner, Tolstoy, and Pamela Anderson . . . )

  • “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
  • “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
  • “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
  • “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
  • “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

Yes, we agree.  Sheer poetry . . .

see also: The 10 Stupidest Reasons Snooki Will Make a Wonderful Author and The 4 Stupidest “Why Was This Ever Published?” Celebrity Books

Addendum:  Lest we forget, Snooki’s co-“star” JWoww is also coming out with a book, cleverly titled The Rules According to JWoww. Today she put a particularly riveting excerpt on Facebook:

Here’s a sneak peek at my new book, THE RULES ACCORDING TO JWOWW
Rule 32: Reheated pasta never tastes the same
I don’t care how great that plate of penne à la vodka was last Sunday night. When you serve it as leftovers on Tuesday, it just ain’t as good. The same goes for relationships: if you rekindle your ex-files, do not expect things…

Woww, indeed.

THE 2010 STUPIDEST THINGS EVER SAID AWARDS ANNOUNCED!!

President Barack Obama, Snooki, Sen. Minority Leader John Boehner, BP ceo Tony Hayward, and costume jewelry designer Kenneth Jay Lane make the list of the Stupidest Things Ever Said in 2010 winners.

The Stupidest Things Ever Said awards – selected by verbal gaffe experts Ross and Kathryn Petras, the compilers of the best-selling annual Page-A-Day calendar The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said (now in its 17th year) – are given in 11 different categories celebrating the stupidest things said, printed, broadcast or otherwise disseminated in the current calendar year.

And the 2010 winners are . . . Continue reading

The 10 Stupidest Reasons Snooki Will Make a Wonderful Author

So Snooki of Jersey Shore fame has just signed a book contract — and is, yes, writing a novel.  We want to address the naysayers who feel she isn’t quite in the Tolstoy club.  Nonsense, say we.  Snooki is highly qualified to be a writer.  Just look at the following quotes from the debut novelist’s mouth (or keyboard).

Snooki is . . .

  • a lover of words!
    “Word of the day: sympathetic. That’s a big word. “
  • verbally creative!
    “It’s just a big ball of f*ckness. That’s a new word: f*ckness.”
  • grammatically refreshing!
    “Pickles is my thing.”
  • unbound by conventional spelling rules!
    “I feel like the dj is my body guard, you see the way he keeps me safe with that treble in that base, I feel free :)”   (via Twitter)
  • an avid reader!
    “I have mind blowing news!  I am officially reading my first bo!  Lmao!  Nicholas Sparks “dear John!” … I‛m proud of myself!”   (via Twitter)
  • politically aware!
    “I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.”
  • prone to historical similes!
    “I feel like a pilgrim from the f*cking ’20s washing this sh*t  in the sink.”
  • highly philosophical!
    “. . . [I]  don’t eat lobster or anything like that cause they’re alive when you kill it.”
  • willing to share her deepest emotions!
    “I thought I broke my vagina bone.. it was terrible.”
  • unafraid of descriptive adjectives!
    “You’re a f*cking white rat and you’re f*cking pale and you’re nasty.”