Just in time for Thanksgiving: The 5 most moronic questions the Butterball Turkey help line has gotten

There’s something about a frozen (or fresh) turkey that seems to bring out the moron in some people.   At least that’s what it seems like when you see some of the questions the folks at Butterball get asked when they’re manning the phone help lines they open to the public each holiday season.

Here are five of the stupidest questions they’ve been asked during Thanksgiving seasons past:

  • Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?
  • Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?
  • Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?
  • If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?
  • Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

(And, just in case you were wondering, the answers are:  No; no; no; probably not, but you might run into other troubles; and you could, but not the best idea.)


from the Unpleasant Things We Wish We Didn’t Know About Thanksgiving desk

A happy historical fact to ponder when eating tomorrow’s turkey: You know how every year, the U.S. president “pardons” a turkey — allowing him to live rather than be eaten?  How do they keep the bird camera-ready and photo-op friendly, you may wonder. Well, let us look into this situation as regards  President Richard Nixon.  Said an insider in an email to the Washington Post:

“Regarding the effort to restrain the White House Thanksgiving turkey, it is my understanding that at least one year, they nailed its feet to the table.”

Great idea!  (Well, maybe not for ol’ Tom Turkey, but what can you do?)