The 10 Stupidest but Apparently Essential Celebrity Entourage Jobs

Singer Cee Lo Green made quite the entrance at the release party for his new album, “Lady Killer,” at the W New York last Thursday.  As the New York Post‛s Page Six reported the cape-wearing singer had some very special jobs for his people.

He had someone wipe the sweat from his brow, as well as put a piece of gum in his mouth, before the show,” a spy said.

Cee Lo isn‛t alone.  To be a proper celebrity job, one needs minions.  Many minions.  An entourage of minions and hangers-on able to do special things.  VITAL and not-the-usual-job things.   You see, for an A-list celebrity (or any celebrity aspiring to such exalted status) having a plain old entourage is not enough.  Anyone with a spare million can have one of those. The key is to have a specialized entourage; one in which each individual tagging along after the star has a specific, asinine, and essentially inane job function.   Thus Cee Lo‛s Sweat Wiper and Gum-Putter-in-Mouth.

And here, in alphabetical order, are nine other VITAL specialized entourage jobs – and the celeb responsible.

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Battery Putter-Inner
Celebrity Employer: Ludacris
Essential Job Description: Change batteries (or take them out.  Or put them in.) When one member of the hip hop star’s large entourage was asked what he did, he replied “I do the batteries” and added that he was particularly responsible for the Gameboy batteries.  (Talk about your specialization!)

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Darkening Team
Celebrity Employer: Rod Stewart
Job Description: A specialized team who go to the hotel before Rod arrives and seal all cracks of light in the bedroom, since the star “cannot tolerate any light in the room for his afternoon nap.”

Specialized Entourage Job Title:  Drink Holding/Lifting Specialist
Celebrity Employer: Mariah Carey
Essential Job Description: Hold, then lift drink with straw to thirsty Mariah’s lips.   For example, when she was signing copies of one of her albums for fans at an in-store promotion, an assistant was right next to her with a cup, periodically lifting it to the busy diva’s lips.  (What, you think she‛d lift it on her own?!?)

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Jewelry Jockey
Celebrity Employer: Nelly
Essential Job Description: In charge of all the gold, silver and crystal rocks Nelly is forced to travel with.

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Nipple Squeezer
Celebrity Employer: singer Pink
Essential Job Description: Just what the job title suggests.  As Pink explains:  “I need my nipples squeezed before every show. It gets me pumped to go onstage. My assistant Jackie has it down to a fine art.”

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Nipple Squeezer AND Icer
Celebrity Employer: Jennifer Lopez
Essential Job Description: A 2-person job (one per breast?  Or one for icing and the other for squeezing?)  Squeezer/Icers were employed during the video shoot for “Jenny from the Block” to make certain nipples were erect and protruded through string vest “in just the right way.”

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Skirt-From-Touching Floor Specialist
Celebrity Employer: Mariah Carey
Essential Job Description: Self-explanatory.  The diva employs a “petite Columbian woman” to keep her long skirts from touching the floor.  Mariah also uses this woman for other specialized jobs, including carrying a Louis Vuitton backpack with bottled water.

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Towel Hand-off Person
Celebrity Employer: Mariah Carey
Essential Job Description: Hand the sometimes sweaty diva her towels.

Specialized Entourage Job Title: Towel Swinger
Celebrity Employer: N.O.R.E.
Essential Job Description: Not to be confused with the above, this job is a bit more demanding.  Requires individual to stand on stage and swing a towel around.

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