The 10 Stupidest Things That Ostensibly Literate People Ask In or About Libraries

People who have mastered tough things like the alphabet and sounding out words and actually reading and writing are more intelligent than, say, tapeworms.  Or bookworms.   Right?    (We think you know the answer already. . . )

After you read these stupidest things that ostensibly literate people ask in libraries, you can form your own conclusions.

First, our favorite: from this post, where the poster in question can’t quite wrap his mind around the concept of a “library” in the first place:

Of course, once you get these people actually inside a library, the stupid questions come in fast and furiously, as in this random sample of the 9 other stupidest library questions:

  • Do you have any Shakespeare here? In English, not in that language he wrote in.
  • Where are the GOOD books?
  • I need a photograph of Jesus, I need to dress him for a play.
  • Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?
  • patron:   Do you have a globe of the earth?
    librarian: We have a table-top model over here.
    patron:  No, that’s not good enough. Don’t you have a life-size globe?
  • Could you tell me who wrote Dante‛s Inferno?
  • I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?
  • Do you have – well, I don‛t know the author, or the title, but the title had a number in it.  Could you tell me where to find that book?
  • Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?

And finally, our favorite, from a English speaking reader who’s always wondered: what’s it like to read a book in a foreign country – not in a different language, but in English.  This is something we have never wondered about, because we think we know the answer.

librarian (at a New Zealand library):  Hi, do you need help?
patron: Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.
librarian: Okay, are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?
patron: Oh, no, I’m here with my Mother for the US summer cause I live with Dad in Florida.
librarian: Okay, we can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card, the card will cost two dollars.
patron: Okay.
librarian: So, what book were you looking for?
patron: Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.
librarian: Oh, yeah, it was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.
patron: Yeah, it’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.
librarian: Oh, did you leave your copy in America?
patron: No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents  and I wanted to know how that would change the story.

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