The 7 Stupidest 911 Calls

Today, we learned that a boy in Buffalo Grove, Illinois called 911 for what he considered to be a true emergency:  he didn’t like the meal his father had made him.  (It was edible, he told the dispatcher.  But he didn’t like it.)

But this nameless boy is far from alone.  There are thousands of insanely ridiculous 911 calls made—and, luckily, they’re all recorded.  This is how we can come up with these, the cream of the crop, if you will, of stupid 911 callers,

  • Hypochondriacal Callers!
    Caller:  I need a paramedic.  Can you send one or do I have to call someone else?
    Dispatcher:  I’ll take care of that, sir.  Just calm down.  What’s the problem?
    Caller: I saw a medical special on tv last night about a rare disease, and I think I have all the symptoms.  My neighbor thinks I do too.
  • Callers with a lot of Chutzpah!
    Dispatcher: 911.  What’s your emergency?
    Caller: Can I give you my credit card number over the phone to pay on my warrant?
    Dispatcher: What’s the offense?
    Caller: Credit card fraud.
  • Unconsciously stupid callers!
    Dispatcher:
    Sir, is he conscious?  Can you tell? 
    Caller:
    I asked him if he was conscious, and he said no!
  • Callers Being Threatened by Dangerous Amphbians!
    Dispatcher: 911
    Caller: I am trapped in my house.
    Dispatcher: Trapped?  Is someone holding you there?
    Caller: Someone?  No.  But there is a frog on the front porch.
    Dispatcher: A frog?
    Caller:  Yes.  A frog.
    Dispatcher: Okay, but what is preventing you from leaving the house.
    Caller: I told you, there’s a frog on the porch and I’m afraid of frogs.
    Dispatcher: And you don’t have another door to the house?
    Caller: No.  There’s only one door and I can’t get out of the house with the frog sitting there.
    Dispatcher:  Why don’t you take a broom and sweep the frog off the porch?
    Caller:  I can’t do that.  I told you.  I’m afraid of frogs.  He might get me.
    Dispatcher:  Um…I’m not sure I can help you with this….
  • Excessively Literal Callers!
    Dispatcher: 911.
    Caller:  Help!  Help!  Send the police!  I’ve been shot!
    Dispatcher: You said you’ve been shot?
    Caller: I’ve been shot!
    Dispatcher: How many times were you shot?
    Caller: This is the first time.
  • Callers Who Are Lazy!
    Dispatcher:  What is the emergency?
    Caller:  I can’t get any rest at home.  Can I get a ride to the hospital?
  • Callers Who Are Too Truthful!
    Dispatcher: What is the nature of your emergency?
    Caller: I can’t catch my breath.
    Dispatcher: When did this begin to happen?
    Caller: When I was running away from the police.
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One Response to The 7 Stupidest 911 Calls

  1. andrew alturas says:

    Dispatcher: 911.
    Caller: Help! Help! Send the police! My penis fell off!
    Dispatcher: You said your penis fell off?
    Caller: yes!!! yes!!!!
    Dispatcher: How many times did this happen?
    Caller: This is the first time.

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