Brace yourselves. A Shore Thing, the novel that Snooki “wrote” is coming out tomorrow — and already excerpts of her compelling prose have been released.
(We’re sure you will note the inevitable comparisons with other fine writers like Faulkner, Tolstoy, and Pamela Anderson . . . )
- “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
- “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
- “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
- “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
- “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”
Yes, we agree. Sheer poetry . . .
see also: The 10 Stupidest Reasons Snooki Will Make a Wonderful Author and The 4 Stupidest “Why Was This Ever Published?” Celebrity Books
Addendum: Lest we forget, Snooki’s co-”star” JWoww is also coming out with a book, cleverly titled The Rules According to JWoww. Today she put a particularly riveting excerpt on Facebook:
Here’s a sneak peek at my new book, THE RULES ACCORDING TO JWOWW
Rule 32: Reheated pasta never tastes the same
I don’t care how great that plate of penne à la vodka was last Sunday night. When you serve it as leftovers on Tuesday, it just ain’t as good. The same goes for relationships: if you rekindle your ex-files, do not expect things…
Woww, indeed.
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JWoww is an idjit. If a pasta dish doesn’t get substantially better over time, there’s something drastically wrong with it – perhaps bad ingredients, perhaps mere pretension.
And how, exactly, does Snooki KNOW what fresh gorilla tastes like?